Christmas - Grieving for the past.....learning how to be joyful in the future.
So many people enjoy Christmas, finding it ”the most wonderful time of the year” as the song goes however there are those of us that find it just darn right difficult – there are so many reasons as to why it’s hard to be jovial, happy & filled with fun, maybe even a slight tendency to travel into Scrooge mode – for me past Christmas’s have been a time of sadness, one where I focused on the loss of loved ones & past events, however I’ve recently had a bit of a wake-up call, an epiphany if you like & realised I need to focus on giving THANKS for those people & those memories, remembering with fondness & love, not sorrow or regret.
So, the task at hand is how do we move into that thought process, banishing the ghosts of Christmas past & moving forward towards a happy Christmas future?
INTENTION – this is really the starting point for people wanting to work on themselves & move forward – I’ll be setting the intention that I REALLY WANT to experience a different set of emotions around Christmas & all the memories that this holiday holds for me – HOW do I do this? The technique involves me looking at the past BUT viewing it from a different perspective, almost an out of body experience – where you put yourself back into that time & place but as an objective observer, maybe even envisage yourself floating around in a corner, watching the past you & everything that went on in those moments.
For example, every Christmas your Nan would come & visit, you loved that time with her, she was always happy, enjoying each moment that she spent with you – after she passed away you found yourself missing her terribly, especially at Christmas, almost pining for those times that you shared with her – you are feeling such a deep sadness that you forget the fun, laughter & happiness that she brought with her.
Hopefully the technique above coupled with the INTENTION to experience a more positive set of emotions will help you to remember the good times, those feelings of joy & know that they are the memories to hold on to, bringing back the positive experiences from your past which will enable you to move forward into the future where you can have fun & make more positive memories with those loved ones currently around you.
Finding time to honour those that we have loved & lost is also important, tradition can play a huge role in keeping those memories alive it’s a wonderful way to give a nod to the past, we tried one year to bypass one of ours & we all said “NEVER AGAIN” but if there’s something that really means something to you & brings you closer to your loved ones both past & present why the hell not – the flip side of that is, if you find it too overwhelming then stop – find a new way, something that you find comfortable & helps you to focus on how you want to feel, not how the old tradition makes you feel.
On a practical level it’s a good idea to find some sort of support during this process, I have a few techniques that will be used while consciously changing my thought patterns I’ll use two Bach Flower Remedies (six drops, twice a day for two weeks) – Walnut to support me in my intention & Honeysuckle will help ease the heartache from the past. Crystals will also play their part in assisting me on this journey, I generally keep them with me all the time, Rhodochrosite is what I use to remind me to be kind to myself & strengthen my heart centre, Blue Lace Agate for when those sad memories threaten to overwhelm me & Lodolite (also known as Garden Quartz) which helps you to clarify your thoughts both for the future & from the past.
The other technique that I’ll be using are POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS, this is a wonderful way to give yourself a twice daily morale boost (look into a mirror & repeat the chosen phrase five times) – something like “I let go of the sorrow from the past & experience joy & happiness this Christmas” – however these are incredibly individual & will differ for each person – has anything immediately sprung to mind after you’ve just read this? If so I’d go with that, if not take a moment or two in a quiet place, take a deep breath & ask yourself what positive emotion you wish to evoke during the holiday season.
So, my lovelies, I hope that in sharing my story it will help you to explore new choices, helping you to find joy where you once felt sadness, happiness where you once experienced pain & know that letting go of the old, you make room for new positive experiences in your life.